Not a Word Peeve, Just Fun: "Who" versus "Whom"

This one is just for fun. I am aware that this information is as useful as cursive writing in this century. Still, it's fun to know, and it may be marginally useful.

In modern English, the distinction between "who" and "whom" is disappearing, with "who" replacing "whom" in almost all usages. Want to learn how to use who/whom correctly? Read on.

James Thurber's rule of thumb

It was author and humorist James Thurber who said, in 1929, that the difference between "who" and "whom" is how high-class you want to sound. For example, if you're at a picnic with beer and hotdogs and shorts and Hawaiian shirts, and you meet someone new, you ask them, "Who are you, anyways?" However, if you're at a fancy black-tie reception with cocktails and caviar, and you meet someone new, you ask them "Whom are you, anyways?" 

And yes, he put the "s" on "anyways". Because he was James Thurber, and the year was 1929.

My rule of thumb

Anyway(s), the real distinction between "who" and "whom" is easy to manage. Since "who" and "whom" are usually (but not always) used in questions, the easiest thing to do is rearrange the question into an answer, and try plugging in "he" or "him" in place of "who/whom". If "he" fits, then use "who". If "him" fits, then use "whom."

To repeat: 

• "He" to "who".
• "Him" to "whom".

Two examples

"Who/whom are you going with?" Rearrange it to form the answer "You are going with ..." Obviously, the correct ending for this answer is "him". So use "Whom" in the question.

"Who/whom is going with you?" This one doesn't even need to be rearranged. The answer is obviously "He is going with you." So use "Who" in the question.

Another example, not a question

Since this example uses the plural "those", we will use "they" and "them" instead of "he" and "him". The rule of thumb works the same way.

"Plan on spending the holiday with those whom you love, and who love you." This is the correct usage.

"Whom you love" can be rearranged to "You love them".

"Who love you" can be rearranged to "They love you".

In conclusion, your Honor ...

As I said at the beginning, which one you use really doesn't matter, not in the 21st Century. It's just fun to know.

Welllllll, maybe.

It doesn't matter one whit in spoken English. But I think that in written English, it may move you one step closer to more precise speech.